Usually my #Blogmas is gift guides and all things light, but that’s not my reality. So I have to touch upon how I feel about the holiday season. I know the title says Grief at the Holidays, but if anyone has experience with this, they will know it’s actually All Day Every Day. But some days we can busy ourselves for a few hours and everything looks fine, but the minute your alone with your thoughts it comes crashing down again. Guilt, Depression, Emotions are all high at the moment. And that’s without extra forced you must be happy and excited all the time holiday season.

Acknowledge that the run up to the holiday can be just as emotional as the day itself, and that memories are often popping up when you least expect it, and can floor you. Maybe while honouring some old time traditions it’s time to start some new ones. But even that can cause great distress and a surge of emotions, like you are letting go before you are ready, so always go at your own pace. This is not a few months and we are moved on process, this is years and years, or always for some and that’s ok too.

Some Tips for Coping with Grief at the Holidays
Set realistic expectations for yourself. Realise that different is ok too. Decide if you can still handle past responsibilities and expectations. Examine the tasks and events of celebrating and ask yourself if you want to continue them. Accept others’ offers to cook, shop, decorate, etc. Consider shopping by phone, Internet or catalog this year if you feel a need to avoid crowds or memories.

Surround yourself with people who love and support you. Share your plans with family and friends and let them know of changes in holiday routines. Memories can sometimes be a source of comfort to the bereaved, so share them by telling stories and looking at photo albums. But also realise that this is ‘too much’ for others in the denial stage. (My stage for sure!!)

It is OK to avoid some circumstances that you don’t feel ready to handle, but don’t isolate yourself. Make some time for solitude, remembering and grieving, but balance it with planned social activities.

Allow yourself to feel joy, sadness, anger – allow yourself to grieve. It is important to recognize that every family member has his/her own unique grief experience. No one way is right or wrong. Experiencing joy and laughter during a time of grief does not mean you have forgotten your loved one.

Take care of yourself. Avoid using alcohol to self-medicate your mood. Try to avoid the hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Physical exercise is often an antidote for depression. Writing in a journal can be a good outlet for your grief. Give yourself permission to buy something frivolous and indulgent, just because.

Create a new tradition or ritual that accommodates your current situation. Some people find comfort by honoring traditions, while others find them unbearably painful. Discuss with your family the activities you want to include or exclude this year. Some examples of new rituals and traditions include:

A particular new ornament for the tree, to represent your loved one. This can be hard for some though, accept both are right. Light a candle so you are honouring their presence with you. Buy flowers and visit the cemetery or place that’s special to them. Have a toast and moments of silence to honour them.
Plan a meal with your loved ones’ favorite foods.
The most important thing to remember is there is no right or wrong way to celebrate the holiday season after the death of a loved one. The best coping mechanism for the holiday season is to plan ahead, get support from others and take it easy. Take expectations off yourself.